The Melting Pot of Black Humour

South African Chewing Gum

South African Chewing Gum

A South African is enjoying a hearty breakfast - bacon, eggs, coffee, croissants, toast, butter, jam, etc. when an American, chewing gum, sits next to him and starts an unwanted conversation: American: "You South Africans eat the whole bread?" South African: "Of course." American (blowing bubble with his gum): "We don´t.

In the States, we only eat what´s inside. The crusts we collect in a container, recycle, rebake them into croissants and sell them to South Africa." South African: "Oh Really?" American: "D´ya eat jam with the bread?" South African: "Of course." American (chuckling and crackling his gum between his teeth):

"We don´t. In the States we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, put all the peels, seeds and left overs into containers, recycle them into jam and sell it to South Africa." South African: "Do you have sex in America?" American: "Of course we do." South African: "And what do you do with the condoms?" American: "Throw them away of course." South African: "We don´t. We pack them into containers, recycle them, melt them down into chewing gum and sell it to America."

Deafness

A concerned Koos goes to see the family doctor & says, -* "Doc, I think my wife is deaf because she never hears me the first time I say something, in fact, I often have to repeat things over & over again." -* "Well," the doctor replies, -* "go home & tonight stand about 15 feet from her & say something. If she doesn´t reply, move about five feet closer & say it again. Keep doing this, so we can get an idea about the severity of her deafness." Sure enough, Koos speeds home & does exactly as instructed.

He starts off about 15 feet from his wife in the kitchen & as she is chopping some vegetables, he says, "Doll, what´s for dinner?" He gets no response. He moves about five feet closer & asks again. No reply. He moves five feet closer. Still no reply. He gets fed up & moves right behind her, about an inch away, & asks again, -* "Doll, what´s for dinner?" She replies, -* "Ag, man Koos for the fourth time, it’s vegetable stew!"

5000 years of technology

After digging to a depth of 100m last year, Russian scientists found traces of copper wiring dating back 1000 years, and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network one thousand years ago. So as not to be outdone, in the weeks that followed, American scientists dug 200m, and headlines in the US newspapers read: "US scientists have found traces of 2000 year old optical fibres, and have concluded that their ancestors already had advanced high-tech digital telephones 1000 years earlier than the Russians." One week later, the South African press reported the following: "After digging as deep as 500m, S.A. scientists have found absolutely nothing. The governmen have concluded that 5000 years ago,their ancestors were already using mobile phones due to cable theft problems."

Lost Wife In Supermarket

Two guys are moving about in a Pick ´n Pay supermarket when their carts collide. One says to the other, -*"I´m sorry - I was looking for my wife." -*"What a coincidence, so am I, and I´m getting a little desperate." -*"Well, maybe I can help you. What does your wife look like?" -*"She´s tall, with beautiful long hair, long slender legs, firm body and a very nice backside. What´s your wife look like?" -*"Never mind, let´s look for yours!"

Three Bears!

Fannie a South African living in the UK walks into a pub. The bartender asks him, -*"what´ll you have?" Fannie answers, -*" Ja, Give me three pints please." So the bartender brings him three pints and Fannie proceeds to alternately sip one, then the other, then the third until they´re gone. He then orders three more.

The bartender says, -*"Sir, I know you like them cold. You don´t have to order three at a time. I can keep an eye on it and when you get low I´ll bring you a fresh cold one." Fannie says, -*"You don´t understand. I have two brothers, one in Australia and one still in South Africa. We made a vow to each other that every Saturday night we´d still drink together. So right now, my brothers are having three Beers too, and we´re drinking together."

The bartender thought that was a wonderful tradition. Every week the man came in and ordered three beers. Then one week he came in and ordered only two. He drank them and then ordered two more. The bartender said to him, -*"I know what your tradition is, and I´d just like to say that I´m sorry that one of your brothers died." Fannie answers, -*"Ag, Nie Man my brothers are fine - I just quit drinking."